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Commentary: Before you find love, fix yourself first

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Yesterday, my boyfriend and I celebrated Valentine’s Day for the first time. We have been together since 2016, and he is my first and only Valentine.

I used to cringe at my singleness, but I now enjoy spending quality time with my boyfriend and surprising him with cute decorations on such a Hallmark holiday.

Reflecting now as a “taken” person, the one thing I regret about being single is wasting my time complaining about not being in a relationship. My high-school crushes disrupted my daily activities, such as studying and doing homework. Stressing out about finding a partner can distract you from your aspirations, hobbies and responsibilities.

Cherish being single, because it’s a gift. It allows you to focus on yourself, and it gives you the opportunity to become the person you would want to date. In a relationship, your partner’s needs and wants sometimes go before your own.

Romantic relationships can teach you about love and partnership, but singleness can teach you how to be alone. People jump into relationships because they do not want to experience loneliness. You should become content being alone. A significant other will not get rid of your insecurity, but, instead, magnify it if they leave you.

When I was in the 7th grade, I developed a huge crush on a boy named Justin. I thought he was boyfriend material, because he was attractive, rich-looking, popular, nice and intelligent. Every night, I would pray to Jesus that I would become his girlfriend. It turned out that Justin liked my best friend and not me.

Yes, I was really young when that happened. However, I realized something about myself in the 7th grade. That boy might have been boyfriend material, but I was not girlfriend material. I had to mature and grow up before I could ever be in a fruitful relationship.

My love for Justin was superficial. I was obsessed with his outward appearance and what he could give me, which was acceptance, love and popularity. My obsession with Justin should have been grounded in his personality. I had to re-evaluate what it meant to love another human being.

People worry too much about the superficial aspect of a relationship. The relationships that last are ones where both people have genuine love and respect for each other.
My advice to all the single people out there is to stop searching for “the one” and to start fixing yourself. We all carry baggage and problems. Fix yourself so that you can be a better partner when you are in a relationship.

Do not force love. Let love find you.

When that special someone enters your life, cherish them and treat them as if every day was Valentine’s Day. Remember this: It is better to stay single than rush into a toxic or unfulfilled relationship.

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Commentary: Before you find love, fix yourself first